How to Stand in Your Truth Without Shame

I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging — something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection.I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous. ~Dr. Brene Brown, Shame v. Guilt

For years, I did not understand how to stand in my truth. It would go something like this:

Someone would ask, “So do you have any children?” Without them knowing it, a wave of shame would wash over me. My oldest child was born when I was 17 years old…and not married. I would try to steer the conversation in a different direction. They didn’t have to judge me. I was secretly judging myself. It would take me nearly two decades to stop this madness and learn how to love myself unconditionally — without judgment.

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My shame was not rooted in this one incident. My shame went back to my adolescent years when I first discovered that my father was an alcoholic. Then later in my teen years when I discovered that my family wasn’t as “well to do” as my classmates. And Mom didn’t believe in keeping up with the Joneses, so forget trying to buy the trendy clothes so…